When Men Get Attacked, Why Do They Attack Women Survivors?

Often when a man gets sexually harassed or assaulted, the conversation turns ugly.  It's something that I really struggle with. 

Because while I do want to support all survivors as much as possible, I have a policy about disengaging people with abusive narratives -- which is unfortunately very common with male survivors, especially those who are minimally or less-injured.

Here is today's example, from Virginia:

“I thought he was going to [expletive] rape me.”Those were the words that James City County police officer Michael Rusk screamed at a 911 operator shortly after allegedly shooting and seriously hurting Sgt. Christopher Gibson outside a Williamsburg bar in January.

Rusk is facing charges in connection to the January shooting, which investigators initially said happened as a result of a “verbal argument” after a night of drinking. The 911 call made by the alleged shooter, however, along with surveillance video exclusively obtained by 10 On Your Side, shows another side of the story.

Rusk’s family and lawyers agree the evidence makes a case for self defense, after he says he suffered unwanted sexual advances from his superior officer."

I would ordinarily be supportive of Officer Rusk in this scenario.  The video shows his superior officer putting hands on him in a sexually suggestive way, and Rusk clearly not wanting that as they walk out.

"The video shows the two leaving the bar just about an hour before the shooting. After Gibson puts his hand on Rusk’s shoulder, you see Rusk forcefully push him off and put a finger in his face before walking away."

And then we come to this part of the narrative, which is where it all goes to hell in a hand basket.  I can't be both a friend and a punching bag at the same time.

“If our client was a female, this case would be drastically different. It’s a clear self defense issue,” said Peyton Akers, one of Rusk’s lawyers."  [emphasis added]

Really?  Is Peyton Akers suggesting there are laws that protect women in this country that don't protect men, that allow women to shoot a police officer without consequences?  What color is the sky on his planet?  We're not even mentioned, not considered in the original constitution in this country.  We can be legally discriminated against by our gender in America.   If he's a professional attorney he should know men have always had more rights than women in America, from the very first day, in black-letter law.

Maybe he's saying that there was an attempt to deflect from the sexual nature of the situation because it involved two men, and reframe it as some other sort of personal disagreement, and that that is somehow gender-biased against men.  I will file a writ of calling bullshit.

When I got stalked by a paramedic coworker, every superior that I talked to about it worked very hard to put me into a personal dating relationship with that individual which absolutely did not exist. Literally every one of them tried repeatedly to get me to say I had socialized with him in some fashion, which would have made the whole thing a non-issue, a lover's quarrel, and my problem alone. 

So the only difference that I see is how people use gender to try to spin things one way or the other to make their administrative case loads easier.  Gender only tells them which direction to take it.  Because if I had ever gone out drinking with that jackass, even once, the police would have done even less to help me than they did (almost nothing).  And I didn't even shoot my stalker/coworker.  I was only asking someone to stop him from following through on his threats of murdering me.

I suspect that Akers was only trying to upgrade Rusk's father's comment, which is what really set me off:

“If I had a daughter in the same position as my son, we wouldn’t even be here. They would have listened, we wouldn’t have an innocent person fighting for their freedom,” Rusk said."  [emphasis added]

HAHAHAHHahahahahhHAHAHAHhahahahahHAhahahahhHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahhdhahahhahahAAAAAaaaaaHAHAhahahahAHAHHAHAHahahahaaaaa  OMFG

I really struggle to think of any response to that statement that wouldn't make my grandmother ashamed.  Forgiveness and unconditional love are always my goals, and Mr. Rusk makes it a real stretch, doing a backstroke in crazy juice before he talks to reporters.

My first thought is to ask him for at least one example of a female police officer getting harassed by a superior -- not even having the sexual assault completed, only fear of it -- and being allowed to shoot him without consequences.  That's what Mr. Rusk expects in this scenario. 

Mr. Rusk needs to watch the show Victim/Suspect so he can see how he looks to those of us who live in rape culture from cradle to grave here on Earth 1.  I'm sorry this is your first day waking up to reality, sir.  That first step is a doozy, I know.

Mr. Rusk isn't the first person to speak so rudely  about women sexual violence survivors after joining us late in the game.  I really wish he was.   His lines are classic. This is his very first time noticing that people, including men, get sexually harassed, bless his heart. 

Mr. Rusk's gobsmackingly ignorant statement is a product of both psychological projection and "himpathy," the way empathy is heavily leveraged towards men in our society.  That's all.   It's the huge cloud of cognitive dissonance that arose when he got socked right in the sense of entitlement at seeing what happened when his son got treated like a woman and then reacted like a man, how it's working out for him.

I've seen this happen too many times, it's the only explanation that makes sense.  Men think getting sexually assaulted makes them special, because they never have to think about it until it happens to them.  They walk around believing raped women get all the help in the world -- way too much in fact.  Then when they don't get that level of service, when they're forced to personally cash the reality check, they're convinced it's discrimination against themselves.  That's the only explanation that makes sense to them.

I'm willing to bet that if it weren't Mr. Rusk's own son in this scenario, he would be the first one to ask why the female officer was out drinking with a superior officer she claims had been harassing her for over a year.  He'd be the first one calling her a ladder-climbing slut, bitter that it wasn't working out for her.

Whenever a man gets sexually abused, social media is instantly filled with men proclaiming, "But nobody admits it happens to men!  They only help women!"  Plus all the same shit Mr. Rusk and his attorney said.

No, women survivors are very well aware that it happens to men often enough.  That's pure projection.  It's men who constantly deny that it happens to us.  

And not for nothing, it's almost always men PERPETRATING, against both men and women.  No matter how much we support them emotionally, the entire conversation is entirely circular, always male-driven and centered.  It's always their conversation, always their turn to be the most-important person in every scenario.  It's good to be king.

If a gay man gets assaulted by a date he wants it upgraded to a hate crime, because, "He could have done this to a woman," White said. "Instead, he chose to do something to someone who's gay and proud about his sexuality."  I was so eager to support Mr. White about the horrific violence he experienced, right up until he threw people like me under the bus.

That position didn't sound even slightly misogynistic to Mr. White's supporters.  Women are the default, acceptable targets.  It's not a hate crime when you target women for being women, only when you target gay men for being gay men.  

Think about it.  The perpetrator chose a gay man because he had violent sexual fantasies that he wanted to act out on a man and not a woman.  That was a personal psychosexual thing about that maniac, just like it is when they do it to women every day since forever.

Louisiana is very homophobic and law enforcement likely wouldn't have properly prioritized what was done to Mr. White had the gay community not roared about it -- which I fully supported them in prior to Mr. White's ugly comment.  And also?  Louisiana is extremely misogynistic and abusers of women can also pretty much run wild -- check out The Jennings 8.  I've always stood with the gay community.  It sucks to see how much they're not reciprocating the sentiment, resent being asked to. 

That entire conversation about "hate crime or nothing to see here" comes down to the perpetrator's sexual preferences, his personal agenda, if you think about it.  Would his majesty prefer to act out on a female or male body today?  If female, probably no consequences whatsoever except for m'lady.  If male, STOP EVERYTHING, IT'S A HATE CRIME!  You may not treat men the way you treat women just because they're gay.  Men must not be put below a certain line in society even if they are gay.

I have always wanted violence against gays to be taken as seriously as anyone else.  I'm glad this situation got dealt with appropriately and the suspect was caught and charged for attempted murder, which it was, and not brushed off as a lover's quarrel or something -- which at first it looked like they might be trying to do.  It's unfortunate to me that Mr. White, and the many people who supported him online and saw no issue with his position, have clearly never given a shit about violence against women and never will.  They see themselves as the only victims.

Syracuse University would like to have a word with Mr. Rusk if he ever touches back down on Earth 1:

"Workplace sexual misconduct perpetuates costly gender inequality at work and in society. Efforts to encourage reporting of gender-based discrimination (e.g., sexual misconduct) at work have increased; however, victims who report sexual misconduct in organizations often face significant sanctions for doing so.

Women who make sexual misconduct complaints often experience organizational and third-party retaliation for reporting misconduct (involuntary transfer, poor performance appraisals, job loss, ostracism), which can take a severe toll on their well-being. In contrast, men accused of engaging in sexual misconduct rarely experience transfers or terminations and are less likely to be terminated or resign than their victims.

Further, termination of those accused of sexual misconduct may not prevent perpetrators from gaining power in other organizations. Although there are recent high-profile cases in the media of men accused of sexual misconduct facing significant penalties, suggesting that organizational responses to sexual harassment allegations have changed following the #MeToo Movement, most of the accused escaped repercussions altogether or recovered from this career setback within a few short years."  [emphasis added]

Have you ever noticed that rape victims are much more likely to kill themselves after the fact than rapists?  Why do you think that is?

IF YOU ARE OBLIVIOUS TO THE SUFFERING ALL AROUND YOU, YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM

In my experience, the whole "They didn't help me because I'm a man" narrative comes from people who never had any empathy for women, never cared what anyone did to us.  If they hadn't been part of the problem before the problem came to their own doorsteps, they'd know better.  They'd already know that when we come forward, we get attacked.  They're shocked to discover that saying, "I got raped" doesn't lead to the entire world racing forward to punish the bad man and sing you a lullabye. 

So I truly struggle with this.  Basically Mr. Rusk and his son want to go directly to the front of the line, ahead of all the women officers who have been raped by their commanding officers, sexually abused and exploited by their entire departments, all manner of bullshit, had their entire careers destroyed, not shot anybody, and got nothing for their trouble but threats and ostracism., the proverbial bad liver and broken heart.

Mr. Rusk seem to think this is the first day that a police officer did something uncool with his junk and then denied somebody's FOIA requests about it, bless his heart.   He should take Andrew Mitchell out for coffee, they give the same number of fucks what happens to women.

So I'm just going to have to let the cast-iron skillet of life do its thing on the Rusks and sit this one out.  I can't be both a supporter and a punching bag at the same time.

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