The constant violence against women and children, the way human life gets bombarded with abuse and then discarded like trash, wears me down.  I really just can't sometimes.

I always feel a certain kinship with kids who escape or are rescued from nightmare parents like Gloria Williams or the Turpins.  While what those kids suffered was on a different scope and scale than my abuse, we all have lives that are stunted by the mental illness of our parents.  Our entire lives are about recovering from our childhoods.

My newest little brother that I didn't know about is Rudy Farias.  Thank God for Quanell X, who has obviously been a great help to this young man.  I wish he would be able to adopt and raise Rudy Farias from here on out.  It doesn't look like that's anywhere on the horizon, unfortunately, nothing of the sort.

I also hate the way this is being reported, that he's been found after being missing.  It seems to me more like he finally managed to escape after allegedly being horrifically abused by his mother.

If you watch the video, the complaints against the mother are absolutely horrific.  And I have no reason to disbelieve them, because that version of events would make all of this make sense.  The explanation given by Mr. X ties everything together, unlike anything the mother has been saying.

Based on the statements in the video, it sounds like Rudy has a very Borderline mother.  It's all too classic.  His complaints are summarized that she doesn't respect his boundaries.  She treats him like a slave.  Those were the exact words he used.  I knew the feelings all too well.  My mother treated me like furniture, like I was born to be used by her.

Rudy has alleged that his mother forced him to not only serve as her surrogate husband, but attend her job and perform her work duties for her.  Literally her slave, forced to meet her every need.  She gave him extensive mind-altering drugs for which he will need long-term mental healthcare.

Based on what I know from Understanding the Borderline Mother, and my own life with my borderline mother,  this unfortunately seems pretty clear-cut to me.  The Queen believes her children are her chattel property, existing to meet her demands.  They exist to fill the void inside of her, address the emptiness.  She does not feel ashamed exploiting her children financially any more than a literal queen is ashamed to exploit her peasants.

The worst part about having a Queen mother is the "off with his/her head" phase, The Witch.  When things don't go just exactly as the Queen wants them, the Witch comes out.  The child is then subjected to merciless, sadistic rages, as potentially evidenced by the burns and scars all over Rudy's body.  My mom walked in the door drunk and unleashed the demon on me, the one who visually reminded her what a bad job she was doing.

What upsets me the most, other than all of this, is that as of this writing Rudy's mother appears to have brought him home from the hospital.  He still seems to inexplicably be in her custody.  I don't understand why she isn't in handcuffs, or why he isn't in a care facility.  He's in my heart for sure.

I have a lot of feelings about the MeToo Movement.  Mostly I try to avoid listening to everybody talk about it for the sake of my mental health.

But I very much enjoy criminal defense lawyer Bruce Rivers.  He's bright, honest, and funny.  He has two really good custom rap songs, an intro and an outro.  Importantly, he has good takes that enrich my understanding of criminal law.  And I learned something from this video!  A couple of things.

I had avoided knowing much of anything about this case, again, for purposes of my mental health.  I try not to know what happens among rich people in America because I don't care, for one thing, and because it's an added layer of stress, for another.  It makes me feel like the sky of rape culture is caving in when he doesn't face consequences, which I was sure he wouldn't.

But I always enjoy Bruce Rivers' commentary, and he didn't disappoint. 

• Right off the bat, he was stunningly candid about how his profession used to directly, attack the survivor as their go-to move, and why there's now the "rape shield" act to prevent such bullying.  But that frank admission from the opposition, and the way he elaborated on it throughout, was refreshing.
• Because of the MeToo Movement, New York, Minnesota, and some other jurisdictions crafted some temporary statute of limitations that allowed for prosecution of old sexual assault cases.  He mentioned a one-year timeframe for this jubilee.  That's why Jean Carroll was able to bring her suit. 

So while that was a pretty great accomplishment for the MeToo Movement, it was a tiny drop in the bucket for the amount of justice that was needed, right?  Like I didn't even hear about it.  And the guys I needed to bring charges against, most of them are dead.  And men acted like the biggest victims in the world about it, complaining that they all got "MeToo'd," like it's a big witch hunt over nothing.  As if we started it.  Sorry, my squillion feelings are leaking out.

  II know I probably seem like a big Debbie Downer sometimes because of the things I cover on my blog.  I've been trying to read a few more lighthearted things lately.  But really I'm in a great mood, taking it super easy.

One thing I find very satisfying is this channel:  Non Violent Citizens Against Predators

They have issues with being a bit controversial for YouTube.  I take issue with their misogynist use of "Karen."  But overall they put sunshine in my shriveled old heart.  So be sure to follow them on Rumble and Facebook.

Wait for the Van Halen song!

I write "true crime for survivors."  That's not just a tagline, it's all I can do to push back against the way sexual violence is normally reported -- by people with no skin in the game.  All personal opinions, no personal knowledge.

For example, this discussion of missing and murdered Native women on Huffington Post.  Even people who mean well say really offensive things, giving them the benefit of the doubt.

I grew up with a lot of Native people in Chicago.  I went to many powwows and learned a lot about their communities and what they deal with, the lasting legacies of forced assimilation, "boarding schools," and what people do to retain what they have.

Unfortunately I can't afford to read coverage by people such as the linked author, Sage Howard.   I don't know her ethnic background but if she were Native (or a rape survivor) I believe she would have mentioned it.  Maybe she's a lawyer, I don't know her credentials for writing about it.

From my personal perspective as both a sexual assault (trafficking) survivor and a cold-case survivor with respect to my friend Wendy Huggy, what's obvious to me is that the issues Native women face are worse because of the general status and treatment of the Native community, not because of the difference among women.  I'm not saying I'm not horrified.   I'm constantly stunned by how little anyone cares when any woman or even young girl goes missing.  They're always allowed to say, "She ran off." 

It's just that the way the Native community gets marginalized by the federal government in the first place, shoved out of basic protections, metastasizes the problems that all women face in America -- which ranks pretty low in women's rights worldwide and always has.  Unsurprisingly, Native women bear the ultimate brunt of the extreme violence and apathy.  So it's bigger in scale among Native women.   It's a worse problem in a poorer community with less resources in the first place.  It's vile, the way they get ignored.  Here is a good report that suggests how this problem spirals even further out of control for Native women than for the rest of us.

But people don't seem to understand that the police ignore white women all the time, when they aren't the ones raping us.  People have told me many times that white women don't get raped by the police.  Maybe that's why Andrew Mitchell was acquitted again? 

White women aren't even people in the US constitution.  I don't believe Native Americans are, either.  We aren't mentioned, and thus have always been able to be legally discriminated against.  Not as horrifically as Native women.  But white men rape and murder us with near impunity too.  Then they monetize it on TV.  Then people are mad at us because it's even worse for Native women.

So I was hoping there would be some bright spot, some actual hopeful news for Native women.  That's why I clicked the linked article.  The most hopeful thing in that article, honestly, is that TikTok is on it now.  Because I was already aware of the new DoJ initiative, where they're adding ten new attorneys in five regions.  I have little faith or confidence in that.  Last week the Supreme Court saw fit to strip the Navajo Nation of its water rights in a bit of arrogance that stuns my mind.

But TikTok might get results in the real world.  Because TikTok can get people to wake up and understand things, possibly.  And that's what it really takes, I think, people caring about it en masse.   There's a "red hand over the mouth" visual that's really striking, and gets people to understand the gravity of the situation.  And that might help, maybe.  But I've seen the left side of America to also have a very strong male supremacist streak.  I'm not so hopeful.

What won't do a damned thing but line the author's pocket was the linked article.  And that's unfortunate, because she came dangerously close to making a useful point.  But only after making a shitty one, so bad that in my eyes it disqualifies her from writing on this topic, makes her "anti-survivor."

I'd like you to consider these two paragraphs, see how she's comparing apples to piston engines.

"During our lifetimes, we’ve all witnessed the outrage, morbid curiosity and grief that results when white women disappear or are murdered. All humans who suffer in this way deserve that same attention.

We also just experienced nonstop coverage of the Titan submersible, a vessel that disappeared during a tourist expedition to see the sunken Titanic. The urgency around missing Native people should match the media and government efforts put toward finding Titan’s five wealthy passengers."

This author conflates women who are abducted, raped, and murdered with male billionaires who go off on a lark!  HOLY SHIT. 

Howard really can't (a) see the difference between women who get kidnapped, raped, and murdered, and male billionaires who die on an adventure, if they're all white people.  

She also can't (b) see how blowing up one or two sexual violence cases in the news enables ignoring all of the other ones.  Maybe she thinks only one or two white women get murdered each year, the ones she sees on TV?  Could Sage Howard have a sensible conversation with me about Andrew Mitchell and Donna Castleberry?

Does she (c) somehow think the way sexual violence is reported is the preference of white sexual violence survivors, that people like me had a say in this? Howard assigns the same amount of agency to female rape survivors and male billionaires if they're both white.  Meanwhile on Earth 1, I have the amount of voice you see on this blog, she's on Huffington Post.

Had Howard omitted the first paragraph altogether, not felt the need to throw white rape/murder victims under the bus, I would have thought it was just another useless article for people who have never thought about this topic and really don't care about it.  Now I actually feel trolled.

Let me come back to the actual words she said, how foolish and wrong-headed they are.  I will need to address it in two passes.

1.  "During our lifetimes, we’ve all witnessed the outrage, morbid curiosity and grief that results when white women disappear or are murdered. All humans who suffer in this way deserve that same attention." 

Ask yourself, do those three emotions add up to compassion, support, or what?  Outrage and grief, okay.  But morbid curiosity?  If that were the emotional equivalent of a pie, would you eat it?  The morbid curiosity is the part where the delivery driver spat in it.  I didn't order that.  I'd prefer to cook in for everyone, if I had any say in it, which I never have had.

2.  "During our lifetimes, we’ve all witnessed the outrage, morbid curiosity and grief that results when white women disappear or are murdered. All humans who suffer in this way deserve that same attention." 

Really?  You think all rape/murder victims should be treated the same way JonBenet Ramsey was? Because the police screwed her case all up, attacked the family instead of following the evidence, the media went ridiculous, and they never solved it.  It was decades of morbid curiosity that enriched all kinds of uninvoled third parties.  I'm pretty sure her special-needs brother is still suffering about it every day.  And the actual murderer DGAF, meanwhile, this woman wrote this article on HuffPo.  Merry Christmas to the Ramseys.

You think Dave Chappelle should do a bit talking shit about every Native teen who gets kidnapped the way he did Elizabeth Smart?  They publicized that case to hopefully help find the girl over nine months.  Meanwhile the police contacted them twice and it didn't help her one bit, they allowed the kidnapper to have his way while Elizabeth was shackled to his wife.  She wasn't able to get her privacy back afterwards.  Sage Howard is wishing this on everybody.

JonBenet and her family had no agency in any of that, didn't ask to be publicized, got no benefit from any of it, didn't have the option of their privacy, and in general, it's a completely idiotic thing to wish on anyone.  Think about it.  The Ramsey family would love to have none of it ever have happened to them at all.  Same with Elizabeth Smart.  She was already rich.  She didn't need money from writing a book.  It's a moronic conversation.

Also, both of the two examples I gave were significantly richer and whiter than me, Anglo Saxon Protestants, whose crimes were able to be reported and who got support from their families and the community overall, unlike me.  Just saying.  Those two were best-case scenarios of blonde whiteness, and even they couldn't rely on the police and got seriously attacked and exploited in the media.  People reveled in the brutality against them, rejoiced in it.

Key point:  The attention to the submersible fiasco may have actually made a difference in helping the people involved.  The attention paid to sexual violence, especially against white women, is almost purely exploitative.  That's one reason I spend my time and money creating whatever little platform I have.

God bless the Native community.  I wish that there was more I could do.  I wish there were real solutions coming.  I don't know what they will be.  There's no chance that the media will start caring about them in the same way they do about the submersible people.  That will be more of a TikTok thing.

I don't normally try to talk too much about Catholicism, partly because I don't know where to begin.  The child abuse?  The misogyny?  The overall corruption and love of money?  Should I roll all the way back to the Spanish Inquisition and what they did to the Mayans?

But this story just annoyed me.  Really?  A Catholic priest is going to have an order of nuns shut down claiming that one of them broke her vow of chastity?  Oh, that's rich. 

Richard Daschbach was openly molesting girls all throughout his career in East Timor, just for one example.  It's  a miracle they got rid of him, much less close down his entire facility.  Daschbach had a list posted on his door so the children could know what day it was their turn to get raped by the cryptkeeper. 

I can't even with the Catholic Church and their bullshit.  My guess is it has more to do with either (a) some petty interpersonal situation where the bishop wants to consolidate power; or (b) the world's largest landholder wants to do something with their land. 

Just like Katie Perry was able to buy the home out from under another group of cloistered nuns, the men in the golden dresses don't care what happens to the women who devote their lives to Catholici$m.

 I'm a huge fan of DNA testing.  I wonder if suspicion would ever have fallen on Attorney Matthew Nilo without genetic genealogy?  Probably not.  I'm always glad to see the rape kit backlog whittling down.  Remember, everyone is innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.

Let me be very clear:  I voted for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris for two reasons:  both Anita Hill and Angela Davis insisted it was imperative, no matter how we personally felt about it.

Beyond that, I will never vote again.  I will never listen to a word Biden or Harris say.  I turn away when I see their faces.   Speaking now as a veteran paramedic, if Biden or Harris keeled over in front of me, I would not do CPR. The Democrats have been twisting my voting arm all my life, and in 2020 it snapped.  The Biden-Harris 2020 campaign relied very heavily on rape trolling -- I should know, I took plenty of it from their supporters.

If I took that much bullying and abuse, I can only imagine how much crap Tara Reade took.  In fact I remember watching in real time as the left side of Twitter ripped her to shreds.  I will never go back on Twitter after that, no matter who owns it, especially not Elon Musk.

TARA READE HAS MOVED TO RUSSIA

I'm now going to add Pilar Melendez to the list of journalists whose work I will no longer read, along with professional feminists/rape trolls Amanda Marcotte, Joan Walsh, and Michelle Goldberg.  All three of them jumped on the rape culture bandwagon of attacking Reade rather than investigating Biden.  I don't know about Marcotte or Walsh, what juicy tidbits they got from their paymasters in exchange.  But Michelle Goldberg apparently lives in Ari Melber's green room now.  If any of them get raped, I'm not the one they should cry to.

Rape culture starts with DARVO:  Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim-Offender.  So you begin with attacking the victim, then the offender becomes the real victim -- of a false accusation/witch hunt.

Because that's the go-to move for rape culture, really Step 1 in the playbook:  investigating the victim.  Think about it.  They don't do that with any other crime, do they?  

Fuck all of you who do/did this.  Investigate the crime, not the victim.  What do her politics now have to do with whether he assaulted her back then?

Yes, it's weird that Tara Reade has moved to Russia.  But so what?  I don't blame her for not wanting to live here anymore.  I no longer want to live in America after the Biden-Harris campaign.  Unraped women just don't know how ugly that shit was, how hard the Biden-Harris supporters rape trolled everyone who stood in their way.  We all got called liars and MAGA trolls.  Those people couldn't imagine simply not being okay with the hair-sniffing because it's fetish behavior.  They can't/won't digest it with their brains.

Why are we talking about her and not him?  Joe Biden's behavior got less investigation than Brett Kavanaugh's.  There is a mountain of videotape of Biden touching children inappropriately and he's never given any explanation for any of that.  There is no explanation.

The fact that Don Jr. is the one bringing that shit up makes me want to gouge my eyes out.  I would love to live in a world where sexual abuse was something other than a political IED, just a grenade shitty people can toss at each other when it suits them.

I don't care if Tara Reade is crazy.  I have no reason to disbelieve her story that Joe Biden stuck his fingers in her snooch.  Everything the Krassenstein brothers had to say sounded like DARVO to me.

Joe Biden will never be my president any more than Trump was.  And I will never vote again.

What gets me about this, aside from the fact that he also brought some hand tools == as if to possibly remove the door from its hinges if needed? -- is the way he says, "Sorry, I thought my girl was in there."

"My girl," because he owns her.  If that little scallywag tries to escape, why, he has every right to chase her down with a machete.

This is real life for some woman out there.

Sometimes we see police officers get away with so much nonsense it seems like there's nothing they could possibly do to be found unsuitable for the job.  And then other people get weeded out fairly quickly for relatively minor offenses.  That seems to be the case with Christopher McKinney.

I'm not saying McKinney sounds like a good officer who deserves another chance -- he doesn't.  I'm glad his department was apparently keeping an eye on him.  They have GPS trackers in police vehicles these days for good reason.  That's how they catch a lot of people doing sexual misconduct and other crimes.

It sounds like his chief didn't trust McKinney after an incident in which McKinney, while assigned as a school resource officer, was sitting in his girlfriend's car while a student ran out of the school.

In the video posted above, he was found to have a GPS blocking device in his car that he initially said was something to prevent 5G from making him sick at the recommendation of Alex Jones.

Anyway I thought it was refreshing to see someone getting decertified simply because his chain of command found him untrustworthy in general.  I've seen officers commit rape and all kinds of crimes and their commanding officers didn't want to lose them.